today was bad bad ocd day.

it plauged me for like the whole day.

Initially, I woke up from a restless sleep because I had a nightmare( prolly more than one but I only remember one of it). Then I had to rush off to uni, and on my way there were so many people sniffing. 1 person is bad enough, but there were like 4-5 people around me sniffing. It was totally horrible,I tell you. It doesn’t help that I’m PMS-ing right now and my hormones are affecting my mood greatly too. I tried to relax, but I simply couldn’t. I started fidgetting a little. If that wasn’t hell-ish enough, there’s the bus ride. Again there were people sniffing. two, that I could hear clearly. by the time I was 5 minutes away from my lecture, I was tearing. I kept telling myself not to break down. It was just too much to handle. So then I stepped into the venue for the lecture and found a seat, but guess what, there was someone sniffing near there too!!!!! I could have broken down but I couldn’t allow that to happen. I had to hold myself together.

After all these, and after I successfully survived the first part of the day without harming anyone because of my irritation, I met my boyfriend. He told me he was going to give a friend of mine some notes. that was my breaking point. but externally I couldn’t break. inside, I was shattering. I kept obsessing that since she’s prettier and more feminine and much much smarter than me and does not have OCD, that means he’ll like her and dump me. Honestly, right till this minute my mind is still obsessing. I know it’s irrational to make an issue of something so small, but I just cannot help it. every mutual female friend of mine and his who does not have a boyfriend seems to be a possible target for him. I don’t enjoy thinking this way. I totally abhor it, in fact.

 He’s better off with a better girl I guess. Maybe I should just let go. But I don’t want to let go. But i guess I have to let go for the betterment of him,right?