Sometimes, I spend time thinking about what my life would be like without OCD. Granted, no one has a perfect life, and I’d still have other issues, but, would those issues cause the kinda chaos OCD is causing in my life? I wonder.

I’m struggling to manage with studies. Sometimes, I envy people who can read through a text briefly, and score well for examinations. I used to be able to, to a certain extent. But now,I can’t. Even if I put in my all, I’d end up doing average, perhaps a B. It disheartens me, but I know I’m capable of more. Many a times, I reflect on my college days, where I used to be the top student in class and in one year I was among the top 10% in the whole cohort. And then I think to myself, Was that really me? Or was that someone else? Just a figment of my imagination. But, it was me. That was my name on the result slips. The only difference was that, that was me without full blown OCD. I started having symptoms of OCD in my 2nd year in college. I remember sitting in class and having an intense urge to stand up during the lesson and hurl vulgarities at the teacher, for no apparent reason. I thought I was going insane, until a doctor finally put a name to my problem. OCD. During examinations, I had to keep covering my ears so that I didn’t have to hear sniffing, because it was intensely distracting, especially when I was reading a question.

And now, where do I stand? Among one of the lowest scorers in uni. That’s quite drastic.It hurts, but I know I cannot give up. I have considered giving up,about a year back, but I changed my mind. It doesn’t pay to give up, because that means you’ve allowed OCD to win.

Winning the easy way yields little or no satisfaction. But winning the hard way takes courage and gives you immense satisfaction.

I’m counting on that…..

And to my fellow ocd-fighters, keep the spirit going! =)